Product Manager starts the session. He opens up with a power-point presentation displayed on the big projector screen. It reads-
“Competition War Room”
“Hi, everyone! This workshop is organized to do a very honest review of the competitive landscape of Smartphones category. Competition has spiced up dramatically in the last 18-24 months. We have lost significant share and this workshop is specifically called up to address it. We intend to do a thorough analysis of competition and strategize our plans to combat them.”
“When we did a consumer research we found our phones to be lacking on performance, picture quality and durability.”
“A further deep dive into the consumer research tells us…”
“That’s bullshit.” CMD cuts Anjuman in between.
“I beg your pardon, for the language.” CMD apologetically looks at Radhika, the Insights Manager.
Radhika nods in assertion.
“That’s brother-fucking rubbish.” –
“Yup, father & brother fucking in-the-ass, rubbish.” – Radhika joins in.
“Anjuman, my boy! Competition games are not played on power points!”
“We have to get out on the battleground and fight it out.”
“And what are you taking about our phone’s performance etc.”
“Show me our and their phones.”
Anjuman takes out Sam-Unsung and competition phones.
He shows a movie on all the three phones with Sam-Unsung clearly lacking in picture quality.
“This is not the way to do competition benchmarking. Give me these phones.”
CMD takes Khaomi and plays “Humshakals” movie on it, while Sam-Unsung keeps playing “Sholay”.
“Now you tell me which picture is better.”
“See you got your answer.”
“Shhhhh… do you have the guts to pitch Humshakals against Sholay?”
“No Sir. Absolutely, not. But that’s not the point.”
“The point is very clear. Picture in our phones is 100 times better than Khaomi phone.”
“But we also lag on performance vs LeLe”
Anjuman shows how Sam-Unsung’s response is slower vs LeLe.
“Ridiculous, this is not how you compare phone performance.”
CMD puts both the phones erect. Sam-Unsung being thick stands easily, while LeLe just holds on.
He asks for another phone. Everyone looks on as he puts his and other phone on the table and types the number of the two phones being tested.
“Everyone, count till 3, let’s see what our phone is made of.”
“Here. This is what I mean by performance. BLOCKBUSTER!”
“And this is how we are going to bury these Khoami’s and LeLe’s in the market.”
To everyone- “Are you with me? Are we going to rip them apart.”
“Aahooo..Aahooo…Aahooo…” shouts everyone in unison.