Aug 212016
 

Gossip

“….congratulations Praveen. You have been promoted to Senior Gossip Executor.”

“Thanks Lily.”

 

“You are doing really great work. People are doing more gossips and this is helping delay a lot of projects”

“You now need to take the agenda forward to create culture of gossips. People everywhere are doing just gossips and nothing else.”

“Our vision is that projects are always delayed. Forget about delay, those are never delivered. Manager-Employee conversations are meaningless. People are clueless. This is actually one of the pillars of our long standing Vision 2020- ‘To be the best in gossiping in the world’.”

“Last year we got nominated for All India Gossip and Bullshit Award. Let’s win it this time.”

“Your responsibilities are now heightened.”

 “Everyone from Region/Global to leadership focussed on this. This is the only objective for the company.”

“Congrats and all the gossips to you.”

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“I will apply all the bullshit I have learned in college and work.”

 “Apart from propagating gossip in your day to day work; you now have added responsibility of leading the gossip agenda for the Organization across various forums like workshop, townhalls, meetings, press conferences,…”

“You will be leading a team of upcoming Gossip talents, who are to be properly coached a
nd mentor on this journey of Gossip. These are really bright gossip talents with a lot of theoretical knowledge on Gossip.”
“One of them mentions in his CV that he was part of the team which has successfully sent a Man to Pluto. Obviously, he has not actually done this but this truly brings out the gossip quotient in him.”

“This other newbie has put that she has represented Indian women’s cricket team at Olympics.”
“And this one has put that he has conclusively proved that Earth is round and not oval.”

“Train them to become the messenger of Gossip everywhere.”

“Any questions?”

“I just have some gossip. Let’s put LCD’s across office and show repeat telecast of Times Now debate throughout the day in loop.”

“Pamphlets around coffee machines which say, having a coffee here is more important than taking a coffee from here. Strike a conversation with your colleague.”

“Propagating gossip- we need to do some campaign around this.”

“To elevate gossip levels, let’s propagate some 5-10 rumors like someone having an affair, company not meeting targets, someone leaving or organization structure changing.”

 “Let’s get going. You have a huge agenda to execute. All the Best.”

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